God, you've blessed me.
I woke up with my sick baby 4 times last night, one of which included crying for almost an hour.
I'm so lucky.
My 3 year old still has coughing attacks, and we're not sure of all his food allergies, and it's often he doesn't sleep through the night. His tantrums are fierce and his mood swings unpredictable, but his hugs are gold and his kisses magic.
I'm so incredibly, inexplicably lucky.
Two boys, two perfect and beautiful boys, with their distinct personalities and needs and demands, with their growing love and attachment to one another that literally takes my breath away daily... Them. Entrusted. To me.
I'm so tired. So beat down-exhausted-haven't slept through the night in well over a year-drained. But, if I can look past the weariness and the daily nonstop demands - and today I CHOOSE to look past them - I see that what I have is incredible in ways even I can't wrap my mind around.
That I was chosen to be their mom, that they need me (which so often I complain about their need for me), their silky smooth skin and gummy smiles and contagious laughter and sparkling eyes.... given to me at a cost that sometimes feels unbearably & endlessly hard ...
and yet,
I'm so so unbelievably, undeniably lucky.
My God, how you've blessed me.
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My words today are born of the grief I feel for Diana and her heavy loss; a loss that my mind cannot fathom, explain, or understand.