Yesterday was a bummer day.
Let's just say I went to bed wearing the same clothes that I'd worn the day before, with two-day-old dried mascara on my lashes and a greasy messy bun of hair.
This job sure ain't glamorous.
I had both boys home with me all day from 7:00 am until 6:00 pm. That would be because Solo refused to go to school. And that would be me who gave in for lack of energy to fight. And that cute little 10 weeker of mine? Yeah, he does not tolerate alone time. Ever.
I think it was probably around 11:00 a.m. when the boys and I had just gotten back from the health sector where I was told there were no vaccines for two month olds (what the what?) to discover Rainer had finally pooped after 3 days backed up and let's just say WHOA. Solo was eating a bag of jalapeno potato chips (because that's how he rolls) and getting crumbs all over the rug, while I was cleaning poo out of Rainer's belly button (no, really.) when I thought to myself,
"I wish I could be at work right now."
I wish I could be sitting at a quiet desk, showered, dressed, looking cute, sipping a hot cup of coffee that someone else prepared for me. I wish I could be meeting a friend over my lunch break to go for a run or share a sub sandwich and chat.
Of course the logical side of me knows that "escaping" to work isn't all that easy. I would be missing my boys, and I would probably be even more frazzled and sleep deprived than I already am.
But, I would be dressed, with make-up on. I would have a lunch hour all to myself to do whatever I wanted. I would have a quiet commute and a personal space. I would have friends and daily adult conversation. I would have challenges other than how to get Rainer to sleep for more than five minutes at a time.
I'm grateful for what I have, really, truly. It's just sometimes, it's hard. You know?
And then there's those moments. Like when I was rocking Rainer to sleep yesterday and he suddenly started giggling. Or when I'm changing his diaper and he looks at me and starts to coo and grin. Or when I wait outside Solo's classroom and he finally notices me watching him and squeals, "Mommy!" Or when I'm tucking Solo in for his nap and I whisper in his ear "I love you to the moon." & he turns to me sleepily and says