good news, lately.

Sometimes I get into a rut of negativity, boredom perhaps; feeling a bit monotonous and uninspired.  I recognize it happening in the moment I snap at my kids or my husband...the days when I feel unappreciated and unnoticed and useless. (self-absorbent, much?)  Sigh.

Although I do recognize that motherhood in and of itself is much of a thankless job, requiring obscene amounts of self-sacrifice, resulting in a daily smack in the face with one's own selfishness. I know this. It's quite obvious, really. But, it doesn't make the monotony or getting pinched and yelled at by my four-year-old, going on fourteen-year-old any easier. And I *may* have cried myself to sleep the other night after he told me he didn't like me. 

Mothering isn't about being liked. I KNOW.  But, it doesn't make those words hurt any less.  Believe me.

I realized, as we enter into this weekend, that it's time for a mental shift; a few moments to find the good news, lately. And in the midst of whatever hell we find ourselves in - major or minor - isn't there always good news?

• Solomon and Rainer slowly waking up together in the same bed, snuggling. They both run into the kitchen where I am starting breakfast, and Solomon exclaims, "I just told Rainer he is the very BEST brother!" 
• A makeshift sprinkler in the backyard (read: my thumb in hose), giggle-filled water play until someone's diaper exploded.
• A delicious mouth-watering meal with my husband, paid for by someone else.
• Placing 3rd place in a 5k run and winning a night in a nice hotel.
• Booking our summer and Christmas travel plans, and feeling blessed for the time and resources to take vacations this year.
• Finding flavored coffee creamer at the grocery store. Multiple! Flavors! Not! Powdered!
• Watching Solomon run at soccer practice, and welling up inside with gratefulness for his health.

These are the days, my friend, these are the days.

convos with Solito.

It's been awhile, no? I've got some good ones saved up for your giggling pleasure.

~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Who tied your shorts?

Solo: I don't know.

Me: What do you mean you don't know? Did you tie them?!

Solo: No. Maybe Jesus did!

~~~~~~~~~~

Solo: Is Jesus in Rainer's heart?

Me: Yeah I think so, what do you think?

Solo: It's just that when I felt his heart, it wasn't bouncing!!

~~~~~~~~~~

(the next convo might be hard to fully appreciate if you don't speak Spanish, but it's still funny.)

Solo: Guess what? Miss Janet, the "miss" of the whole school, got really BIG. Really, really BIG, and she becomed a prince. And then she went home to take a rest. 

Me: Huh. So, she went home to take a rest? (she is retiring)

Solo: Yes! Because she's too BIG!

Me: So, if she went home to rest, who's going to be the "miss" of the whole school?

Solo: Dave!

Me: Who's Dave?

Solo: You know! Daddy's friend, Dave!

convos with Solo: bilingual edition.

(hazards of raising a child bilingual.)

Solo:  When I get my new disfraces (costumes) I'm gonna say to my friends, "no te lo puedo prestar porque tiene piojos."

translation:  I can't share with you because it has lice.

Me: ::stifles laughter:: Umm. ::more laughter:: 

Solo: Why are you laughing?

Me: Do you know what that means?

Solo: Yeah. It means, "I can't share with you because it's only for me."

Me: Almost, sweetie, almost.

::wink::

our neighborhood.

On Sunday nights I usually don't feel like cooking; the house is cluttered with toys, piles of laundry, and dishes to be washed. Around 6:00 p.m. we head out the door and walk two blocks to the "plaza" in front of our neighborhood's templo. Within a one block radius you will find fresh pan dulce, tacos of all varieties, churros, tamales, crepes, corn on the cob, espresso, barrel churned ice cream, fresh popsicles & hand-dipped ice cream bars, and the Mexican equivalent of shaved ice.

I'm not exaggerating.

This isn't an "event" or a festival, it's everyday life in our neighborhood. 

Solomon loves hanging out at the plaza. There are usually a handful of boys playing soccer, several kids riding tricycles, and sometimes teenagers doing skateboard stunts. We stop by the taco stand to get him 3 tacos al pastor (his record is five in one sitting), next some corn on the cob, then a cookie from the bread stand. While he sits to eat, I walk across the street to buy a large "agua de arroz," Solo's favorite. 

Mr. P jokes about how in the states all of these street vendors on one block would be considered a "food cart festival." We laugh about how Mexico may be behind the times in many things, but we were way ahead of the food cart trend that recently hit the streets stateside.

As Solo sat on my lap on the plastic stools in front of the taco stand, he looked up at me and grinned, "I love going for tacos! Because you don't even have to pay for tacos, right mommy!" 

I squeezed him and laughed. 

The best things in life are free, that's for sure. 

But, no, my sweet boy, mommy pays for your tacos. 

convos with Solo.

And, just like that, it's been a week.

We are all fighting the sickies over here. There is an abundance of boogers, and a serious shortage of sleep.

Luckily, Solo is around to say funny things that cheer us up, no matter how many boxes of kleenex we've blown through. (pun intended)

Solo: (writing his name) "Solomon Teo"

Me: And what's your last name?

Solo: Hmm... Munchkin?

Me: Hahaha! No, it's P---n!

Solo: No! No it's not!

Me: yes it is, silly! Everyone has a first name, a middle name, and a last name.

Solo: oooh. Like "Dad. Dee. Nathanael." and "Mom. Mee. Grace."

Me: Yup. Close enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Solo: Why are you wearing a work coat, mommy?

(I was wearing a pea coat with the front panel buttoned)

Me: What do you mean?

Solo: That's the kind of coat the guys that make the quesadillas wear!

(apparently we're spending too much time at the taco stands)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Solo: Tomorrow Miss Laura is having her happy birthday!

Me: Oh! How old will she be?

Solo: She's gonna be 28! But she's still gonna be the same. Because, right mommy, she can't grow anymore because then we won't know her!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Solo: Why is there a giant marshmallow here? (touching my arm) Oh, wait, that's your arm!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Solo:  Mommy, I can't go to school today because my leg is bored!

Me: You mean your leg is asleep?

Solo:  No! It's bored! Can you fix it please?

convos with solo.

(in the bathroom)

Solo: Would you like to be a toilet?

Me: No, I don't think so.

Solo: Me either. Eww! I wouldn't want to have poop in me!

::pause:: Wait a minute! I already have poop in me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Did you know that daddy was a fireman a long time ago? First he was a fireman, and then a teacher, and now what is he?

Solo, matter-of-factly:  A daddy.

Me: Yes... and when he goes to work?

Solo, cautiously:  A... helper.... ?

::pause:: Wait, no! A worker!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Did you meet Santa today?

Solo: Yes. Yes! And guess what?

Me: What?

Solo: He was very, very FLAT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Quotes by Solo:

"Whoa! That car is driving really curvy!"

"I have an idea, let's not get a treat. Let's just get a sandwich, the kind that has ice cream inside."

"Mommy, can I please have a fruit lizard?"         (also known as fruit leather)

convos with solo.

Me: You know that Rainer is always going to be your brother & you'll always need to work on sharing with him.

Solo: Okay, fine. When he grows up I will. Because, right, I'm bigger than him?

Me: You sure are.

Solo: And when I was little, he was... he was... he was... Nowhere.

:: very perplexed look ::

Solo: Actually, when I was a baby Rainer was in our hearts, right Mommy?

Me: Yes. You are absolutely right. :: sobs ::

------------

(On the way to our friend's house to play)

Solo: Right, mommy, Cora is two?

Me: Yes, she's two.

Solo: That means I'm beating her! Because I'm four! And she has to complete three and then she has to complete four. And I'm winning because I already completed four!

(in Spanish they say "cumplir" years instead of "turning" different ages. So cute how he was translating literally to English.)

-------

Solo: (giving Rainer a pacifier, which in Spanish is called a chupon) I'm going to give Rainer this so he can chup it. Because I don't want him to chup on my toys.

Me: 0_0

---------

(after going through the Starbucks drive-thru for a hot chocolate for Solo)

Solo: Mommmmmy! Don't! You are making me spill!

Me: Solo, I'm sorry, but I'm not doing anything. I'm just driving, and the roads in Mexico are bumpy.

Solo: Well, then I wanna go to Oregon. The roads are smooth there.

Me: You are so right.

four.

Four is awesome.

I'd heard it often; people encouraged me; it was the light at the end of the three-year-old-tunnel-of-doom. (Let's just say the age of three is not a walk in the park.)

Solo makes me chuckle DAILY. Multiple times a day. He's a riot, this boy. Things that come out of his mouth on the regular:

"Mommy, let's just lay on the futon and enjoy the rain, ok?"

"Mommy, I really want to just relax right here."

"Wow. Look at that motorcycle. I can't believe it."

"You are NOT gonna believe this. Wow. Just wow."

"A long, long. long. long time ago when I was two...."

"Right, mommy, we love each other, right?"

"Actually, I want to sit on the couch and eat breakfast."  (I adore the way he says "actually")

His smile is contagious. He is so bright & full of life & energy. He loves his daddy and his little brother (okay, and me) something fierce and holds nothing back.

Just this morning he burst into tears when I said it was time for Rainer's morning nap. Sometimes I think about if we had decided on Solo as our one & only. The love and joy our lives, his life, would have missed is astronomical.

This little boy. This four-year-old-boy brings so many gifts.

Love you Solito.

deep thoughts by Solo

Solomon:
"even boys with earrings don't have babies in their tummies. Only mommies can have babies in their tummies. So, boys don't never have babies in their tummies, they just have lots of food."

Brilliant.

I night her name is Maggie

You know that little microphone on the iPad keyboard (or iPhone, etc) that does speech recognition? For all of us too lazy to actually type? Yeah. That.

Solo is slightly obsessed with it. I'll walk into a room to the sound of the little beep when it begins to record and his squeaky voice saying over and over "hola! hi. I'm Solomon. I want to play. Bye."  I'd love to know who he thinks he's talking to, and why the fascination.

Yesterday while Rainer was napping we were playing around with the iPad and recording random conversations. We want to have recordings of the sound of Solo's voice at different stages, as well as the memories of how silly he used to pronounce certain words.

Mr. P asked if he wanted to send me an email. Of course he did.  Below is what that little magical microphone interpreted as he dictated me a message:

Hello mommy
Like okay
Hi are you today hi night underwater Mooreshill I night her name is Maggie
I like to allegedly Sharon and I do not name's not tonight yeah I'm out or did not Menown lots Malielie I are man-to-man CIE did not detonate that easy

Apparently Apple voice interpretation has some serious work to do in the 4 year old department.

I just had to name this post I night her name is Maggie, because after we read Solo the email he proceeded to run around repeating that phrase, peeling over in hysterical laughter each time. Finally, he looked at me and asked, "Who's Maggie???" And abruptly burst into giggles.

Love this age.

convos with solo.

Solo:  Santa can't fit through our front door.

Me: Well... he can come on the roof, right?

Solo: But, he doesn't know we have a roof.

Me: You can tell him.

Solo: Ok.... does he speak Spanish or English?

_____________

Solo:  Look! I'm a pirate! I need one of those things for my eye. Hm. What those called?

Me: An eye patch.

Solo: Oh, ok. ::squints one eye:: Now I have my iPad on!

_____________

Solo: It's gonna take a long long long long time for grandpa's hair to grow, right daddy?

Mr. P: Well it's probably never going to grow back. His hair won't ever be long again.

Solo: Awww. Poor Grandpa.

convos with solo.

Me: ::Squeezing his buns:: Such a cute butt you have!

Solo: No... my butt's not cute because it's big!

Me: It's not big, it's tiny. And it's cute.

Solo: Right, mommy, when I was a baby my butt was cute?

Me: Yes. And it's still cute.

Solo: No, it's not! It's big!

Me: Fine.

~~~~~

Solo: ::out of the blue:: Maybe we get a tiny horsie and put him in our backyard.

Me: Our backyard is pretty small.

Solo: Well, there's A LOT of grass and we won't get wild horsies, we'll just get nice ones.

Me: I thought you wanted to get just one horse.

Solo: Well, maybe we could get two or maybe three. ::shrugs nonchalantly::

Me: o_o

Solo: ::Holding up five fingers:: Or this many..... Is that a lot?

(our backyard is the size of most people's kitchen. obviously my child has been raised in mexico.)

3 years, 10 months.

things about you right now that i never want to forget:

you call anything small or little "tiny" instead of saying small or little.

the way you say, 'actually...' is beyond adorable.

your eyelashes look too big for your face.

your freckles are just starting to pop out across your cheeks & nose.

at night when i get to put you to bed you say it's our "special time" and you give me squeezes.

you love trains, motorcycles, 'futbol', wrestling, riding bikes and swimming.

you can do a perfect kneeling dive and swim under the water to me a couple of body lengths.

you love picking out your clothes and getting dressed by yourself.

you just learned to get in your carseat and buckle yourself in.

you insist on brushing your own teeth.

you love vanilla soy milk and you can pour yourself a glass.

(see a pattern here?)

you are obsessed with being "big" and having a "happy birthday" and, in general, being "four."

your favorite foods are mango, blueberries, raspberries, oatmeal, and veggie lasagna.

your favorite treats are pop tarts, chocolate, doughnuts, and ice cream.

your favorite kind of ice cream is vanilla.

(side note: just now I asked you what your favorite food is & you answered "tomatoes.")

If I had to describe you in three words they would be:

kind. creative. gentle.

I know you want to, but don't grow up too fast, otay?

moving...

This week's You Capture photo challenge is Moving.

Well, we've got ourselves a mover! Rainer is just days away from crawling. Right now he looks like a very determined caterpiller, inching his way around the house. 

My last photo features Solo's very long hair, swaying in the breeze of the fan. Yesterday we spent the afternoon at the pool, and came home to unwind in the back bedroom of our house (the only room with A/C). Rainer practiced his moves on the bed and Solo entertained us with his robot voice in front of the fan.

There's a boy in his class with long, straight hair. Solo has hair-envy. He told me the other day, "Matias has cool hair. It moves. I want my hair to move, too." So, he's currently growing out his hair.

You know, so he can have moving hair.

Apparently that is a thing.

My kid is goofy.

The other day Solo grabbed my sunglasses, put them on, and strutted around declaring - in his most girly voice -
"hi, I'm grace! I'mmmm grrraace!" complete with a cheesy grin and cocked head.

First of all, since when does he refer to me in this manner, and, second of all,
What?? Do I really sound like that?

convos with solo.

Solo: I have a surprise for you!

Me: Oooh... okay. ::closes eyes::

Solo: No winking! Mommy... I say no winking!

-------------------------------------------

Solo: Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty dumpty fall on the wall.... Wait a minute. That how it go?

Me: ::giggles::

-------------------------------------------

Solo: ::very close to my face:: Mommy? You have a mustache.

Me: When daddy comes home he'll help me take it off. Remember that purple wax stuff?

Solo: ::blank stare::

the next morning...

Solo: ::looking at me intently:: Mommy? You still have that mustache? ::comes closer:: Yep!!

------------------------------------------

Solo: ::playing outside with the hose:: Brr! That water just give me fist bumps!

Me: o_0

It is good.

The initial adjustment "home" after visits in the states with family is hard. Sad. Lonely.
But then we eventually snap out of it and lean harder into one another and recognize the beauty in this little life we have here. Far away from our families, yes, but together here we are nonetheless.
And there's lots of beauty in that.
It's going to sound cheesy but whatevs. You guys? My kids are bringing me so much joy lately. Like bursting, overflowing, delicious amounts of joy.
So many people told me it would happen, but it's not until I experienced for myself watching my boys play together that I could truly understand how happy and light it would make my heart.
So happy.
They adore each other. It's basically the cutest thing I've ever witnessed. Solo tickles Rainer and he squeals. Rainer practically tips himself over head first trying to watch everything his big brother does across the room.
Solo squeezes his chunky thighs, tousles his hair, and asks to see his butt because "it's so cute!!"
I love them.
The bond I feel with Rainer lately is something I treasure more than words can express. I could kiss and hug him a million times a day and it would never be enough. He is so fun. SO FUN. Yes, I'm saying this about a baby!
The other day Solo exclaimed, "it's so fun having a baby!!!" I love seeing life through his eyes. And it IS so fun.
(that last picture is a "piece of cloud" according to Solo. & how lucky are we that it landed in our house?!)
We spent the weekend doing a whole lot of nothing. Just being. And that's exactly what we needed to feel refreshed after an emotional week transitioning back.

How was your weekend?

convos with solo.

Solo in the bath tub; I'm trying to get the water temp just right.

Solo: "That water gave me speed bumps on my legs!"

Me: o_O

Solo & Rainer in the back of the car, Rainer screaming his head off.

Solo: <sigh> "It must be hard being a baby."

Me: "It appears you are right, little guy."

Solo getting himself dressed after a swim in our kiddie pool.

Solo: "Wait a minute! My undies have pockets!"

Me: "Wow. You just now noticed."

Solo playing with our friend Mike.

Mike: "Come on, bro, let's go find your daddy."

Solo: "I'm not bro! I'm Solomon!"

the sounds of motherhood.

Something about being in Oregon makes my ears more attentive. It's probably because I hear more of the little things that are muffled by the daily noise in Mexico - cars honking, the steady hum of traffic, the tortilla motorcycle, the water truck, the fruit carts. Here it's just the whistle of the wind, the patter of rain on the skylights and the sounds of motherhood.

Solo's feet thumping down the stairs in the morning.

The slurping sounds of him sucking his thumb in the middle of the night - which my dad thought was a mouse the first time he heard it.

The quiet hum of the white noise machine in Rainer's room.

Rainer's coos and shrieks as he bats at the toys on the play mat.

Solo's sweet little voice as I tuck him into his floor bed in my parents' bedroom - "Mommy, can I tell you something?" ... "sure, what honey?" ... "I never want you to leave, everrrr."

The precious sound of Rainer suckling at 3:00 a.m.

Solo playing with his little rabbit family set, the plastic bunnies clicking against their beds, his voice making them come alive.

The splashing in the tub, the rubber duckies quacking incessantly, my boy who hates taking showers giggling with delight.

The sounds of motherhood are the sweetest in the world. I love slowing down enough to hear them above the noise of life.

convos with Solo

Me (talking to myself, out loud): I'm going to the park to work my butt off.

S: Are you gonna be okay?

Me: Yeah. ::confused::

S: Daddy! Mommy's gonna take her butt off. ::shrugs:: but she's gonna be okay.

(When I got back from my run, he took a long hard look at my butt.)

----

S (totally out of the blue): I wanna go ride the horsies.

Me: Um, ok, maybe when daddy gets home. (my answer for everything)

S:  ok, me and daddy will ride, but you gonna walk, mommy. But when you walk watch out for poop. Horsies poop A LOT. So you gotta step UP UP UP over the poop, mmkay? ::gestures to the ceiling::

-----

S (totally out of the blue, again): Darius (his best friend) don't want to buy a baby.

Me: How do you know?

S: He tells his mommy he don't want to buy a baby.

Me: Do you want to buy a baby?

S: Mooom! ::points to Rainer:: I already did!

I love this kid.