Sometimes I get into a rut of negativity, boredom perhaps; feeling a bit monotonous and uninspired. I recognize it happening in the moment I snap at my kids or my husband...the days when I feel unappreciated and unnoticed and useless. (self-absorbent, much?) Sigh.
Although I do recognize that motherhood in and of itself is much of a thankless job, requiring obscene amounts of self-sacrifice, resulting in a daily smack in the face with one's own selfishness. I know this. It's quite obvious, really. But, it doesn't make the monotony or getting pinched and yelled at by my four-year-old, going on fourteen-year-old any easier. And I *may* have cried myself to sleep the other night after he told me he didn't like me.
Mothering isn't about being liked. I KNOW. But, it doesn't make those words hurt any less. Believe me.
I realized, as we enter into this weekend, that it's time for a mental shift; a few moments to find the good news, lately. And in the midst of whatever hell we find ourselves in - major or minor - isn't there always good news?
- Solomon and Rainer slowly waking up together in the same bed, snuggling. They both run into the kitchen where I am starting breakfast, and Solomon exclaims, "I just told Rainer he is the very BEST brother!"
- A makeshift sprinkler in the backyard (read: my thumb in hose), giggle-filled water play until someone's diaper exploded.
- A delicious mouth-watering meal with my husband, paid for by someone else.
- Placing 3rd place in a 5k run and winning a night in a nice hotel.
- Booking our summer and Christmas travel plans, and feeling blessed for the time and resources to take vacations this year.
- Finding flavored coffee creamer at the grocery store. Multiple! Flavors! Not! Powdered!
- Watching Solomon run at soccer practice, and welling up inside with gratefulness for his health.
These are the days, my friend, these are the days.