there is no poster PPD mom.

The other day I read this post about a mom who suffered for months before finally realizing she had Postpartum anxiety. And I was reminded that we still have a long ways to go. So many moms don't understand the diversity of symptoms of Perinatal mood disorders.  Reading her words took me back to my own own confusion about what was happening to me.

Postpartum depression is not only a new mom sobbing in the shower.

It's not simply tears. It's not just wanting to stay in bed all day.

Yes, it can be these things. Or it can be completely opposite of these things.

It can be rage. Uncontrollable anger. It can be hollowness - the feeling of not feeling anything.

It can be racing thoughts - the inability to stop your mind, the inability to rest, the inability to eat or sleep. It can be a horror film playing in your mind - unwanted visions - acts you would never do but cannot seem to stop thinking about.

It can be tears, lots & lots of tears for no apparent reason and for many, many reasons. It can be grief - the loss of who you once were, the fear that you'll never have "her" back again. It can be intense, inexplicable sadness, lack of motivation, zero energy ... or ... it can be no emotion at all, extreme compulsions, obsessions, & the inability to relax.

There is no poster mom for Postpartum mood disorders. There is no simple profile, no simple answers, nothing uncomplicated at all about the whole ordeal.

It's horrible. It's real. If you are struggling, don't wait any longer to get help.

My baby is three weeks old today. Each day I live without these symptoms, I thank God. It will never be enough, but it's all I can do.