little differences, I've noticed.
like holding my baby immediately after birth.
nursing him within hours, holding him close, nourishing him with ease.
feeling empowered as a 2nd time mommy.
eye contact. skin to skin. staring, caressing, smelling, squeezing.
the knowledge of how fast it all disappears - the flaky skin, the newborn pimples, the tiny toes and fingernails - they morph into scraped knees and dirty feet and freckled faces all too quickly.
little differences, that make a huge difference.
like taking my medication. like saying no to visitors in the evenings. going to bed early with the baby.
looking less at my watch in the middle of the night. not thinking about tomorrow.
being present... in the moment... nowhere else.
Through all this, in just 10 days, the glimpses of "normal" motherhood have been sweet. Snuggling on the couch with my baby - not worrying about the time. Staring at his face in the dim light of dawn, not caring (too) much that I'm awake. Calling friends, writing e-mails, going on walks. Living life as normal, feeling calm, content, okay. Taking a shower, putting on make-up, cooking dinner.
It's the little things that make me feel normal. It's in the details of the everyday.
I cling to the hope that I will not experience postpartum depression this time. I cling to the hope, because that's really all I can do.
I'm enjoying my baby. Today. It's really, really sweet.