20 weeks?!?

Today marks halfway through this pregnancy.

Very probably my last pregnancy.

The last time my body will house another life.

Cannot. Grasp. This.

Bittersweet.

Disbelief.

Tinges of sadness.

Mostly joy.

According to my iPod app, tiny baby boy is the length of a banana. Doesn't that seem huge? How is that even possible? Didn't I just find out I was pregnant last month?

Just this week I am feeling the baby move. Tiny bubbly movements, little hiccup-y nudges. Reminders that he is, indeed, there and growing and living and becoming ours. I am still in denial a bit. Recently I've had the chance to hold babies here and there for whatever reason. I breathe them in and try desperately to realize that I will have one of my own so very soon. 

The emotions are a mixture of excitement, anticipation, wonder and dread. 

Not gonna sugarcoat it. 

I know I'm stronger this time. I know I'm wiser. I'm already comfortable in my mommy skin. It'll be different. So different in ways I cannot even imagine at this time. 

It might be easier. It might. But I'm also aware, painfully aware, that it might be harder. Very much harder. But, the thing is, I KNOW, I know from the core of my being that no matter how hard it gets, it's not forever. In fact, it's not even close. It's just a blip on the span of our lives and 

we 

will

get

through 

it.

Can I get an amen?!?

By the way, on another random tangent, Solo and I are having the time of our lives in Oregon! I'm checking in whenever I find the time and energy, and it's probably not as much as I'd like, but so goes vacation. I love having no agenda, taking naps snuggled under blankets (60* weather? YES, PLEASE!), and kicking back as others love on my kid. 

Bliss.