our two worlds: through Solo's eyes

To 3-year-old Solo our worlds are different in the simplest of ways.

Oregon is cold. Mexico is hot.

Oregon is rainy. Mexico is sunny.

In Oregon everyone speaks English. In Mexico everyone speaks Spanish.

In Oregon he has cousins. In Mexico he has friends.

In Oregon he takes long baths in big tubs. In Mexico he screams through his shower.

In Oregon the swimming pool is chilly. In Mexico it's warm.

In Oregon he has to play inside. In Mexico the back door is always open.

In Oregon Nonna makes popsicles for us to eat. In Mexico we buy paletas on the street.

In Oregon the parks have swings and slides. In Mexico there's a sandbox and fountains.

I often forget that to him, it's not so complicated.

It's really as simple as Oregon is where we visit, but Mexico is home.

reality.

sometimes I don't like my reality.

I know I have so many blessings, so much to be thankful for, and the grass-is-greener-over-there-mentality is such a trap. I know this.

But, for some reason, every trip "home" to Oregon is followed by a series of sad, gloomy days. Even though the sun shines brightly here in Guadalajara, my skin is warm, my belly full of sweet popsicles and tacos and mangoes, I still long for what I don't have.

The journey back on Saturday was smooth. Funny how having conquered traveling alone with two kids made the process feel like a walk in the park with Mr. P's arms to help. All flights were on time, the kids napped, our luggage made it unscathed. And Solomon was giddy. Giddy, I tell you! We must be doing a few things right if our child is giggling-excited to be home. When we pulled up to our house his face broke out in the cutest-ever sheepish grin. He pranced around the sidewalk as we unloaded our bags. And, at 11:00 pm, we let him tear up his room with toys because the joy was contagious.

But, inevitably, the emptiness follows.

The suitcases are unpacked, zipped up and tucked into their places to rest until the next journey. The hum of the laundry rolling and the buzz of the traffic a few streets over are all that's left to fill our ears as we toss and turn, begging for sleep to come.

I laid in bed making our Sunday grocery list and errand list on my iPod, as tears pricked my eyes. I know I have my boys, I know my life is full. But still. Something always feels like it's missing when we come back. I finally succumbed to sleep with the help of Ambien and a prayer.

Yesterday was hard, as the first day always is. Today is better already. Solo is at school, back in his routine. Baby is napping peacefully in his bed. Here I sit, hair still wet, barefoot, the hum of the sound machine drowning out the street noise, birds cooing in the backyard, my fingers pattering out the cries of my heart.

Thank you for listening.

Tomorrow will be even better.

Lately.

Time needs to slow down.
In just four days we will be back in Mexico. Crowded, noisy, warm, home.
Just the four of us again.
Bittersweet.

Here are a few snapshots of life lately. We are so enjoying the warmer weather, lazy mornings, Rainer discovering new foods, and fun holiday traditions.

Have a great week, friends!

dear emily.

Dear Emily,

My oldest, longest, dearest friend. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all the precious memories you've given me. From 70 mile road bike rides (on mountain bikes!), to shopping in Santa Barbara, to hiking the falls, to the Portland Bridge Pedal, to many early mornings & late nights at the pool, to weekends baking beneath the sun in Palm Springs, to body surfing in Mexico (ouch!), to surprise sandy messages at the Oregon coast. 

You were the most beautiful bride I've ever seen. Absolutely, positively, radiantly glowing. I'm so proud of the woman you've become!

Now, I'm no expert, but in 8 1/2 years of marriage I've learned a few things.

Men cannot read minds. Never have, never will.

Sometimes, most times, you have to settle for a compromise. And that's not a bad thing.

Choose to love, even when you don't feel like it. Choose to forgive, always. Choose joy.       (I know you will.)

Adam is an incredibly lucky man. 

Looking forward to lots of motorcycle rides, fro yo, and babies playing together in the sand!

I love you, Emmers!

thankful.

chocolate covered pretzels

hot coffee with creamer

Rainer wearing hats

Solo's joy on the trampoline

a break of sunshine to be outside

lunch with old friends

long walks

time with cousins who've traveled far

crisp, clean air

brothers in the bathtub together

improvement in baby's naps

pedicures with my bestie

clearance rack steals

self-serve frozen yogurt

our family of four reunited

What are you thankful for this Tuesday?

target, i love thee.

So.

This is what happens when the three year old goes to his Gram & Gramps' & I am trapped in Target for 3 and a half hours with my momma and a sleeping baby.

Not bad, if I do say so myself.

{Some purchases not pictured.}

{I may have strayed from my list just a tad.}

{In my defense, I only get to visit Target a couple times a year.}

It's so good to be home.

happy friday.

And just like that another week flies by.

We've been in Oregon for two weeks now. One more week til Daddy gets here. Time... It soars.

Tomorrow Rainer turns five months. He's eating rice cereal and sweet potatoes. He's rolling both ways and reaching for toys and discovering the world through his mouth. He squeals when you take his clothes off and adores bathtime. Solo is starting to really notice how his baby brother is getting bigger. He asks to hold him now, and they actually "play" together... sortof.

Oregon weather is wacky and we have had snow on the ground two mornings we've been here. In late March. What the what?! Solo is a little scared when it starts "icing" - as he says - and he does not dare to touch the "ice." So we've stayed busy indoors with new toys, our new iPad (wee!), books & videos from the library, bubble baths in the big tub, and cooking with Nonna in the kitchen.

I'm enjoying my one-on-one time with my firstborn. I've taken advantage of leaving the baby with my mom and going on "dates" with Solo. We've gone out to breakfast, to the library for storytime, to the park, out for an afternoon hot cocoa & scone, and to the grocery store to ride the mechanical horsie. The kid's easy to please, I tell you.

I have a post brewing about travel tips with littles... Anything in particular you want to know since my boys & I are now pros? ;) 

Happy Friday, friends! 

the sounds of motherhood.

Something about being in Oregon makes my ears more attentive. It's probably because I hear more of the little things that are muffled by the daily noise in Mexico - cars honking, the steady hum of traffic, the tortilla motorcycle, the water truck, the fruit carts. Here it's just the whistle of the wind, the patter of rain on the skylights and the sounds of motherhood.

Solo's feet thumping down the stairs in the morning.

The slurping sounds of him sucking his thumb in the middle of the night - which my dad thought was a mouse the first time he heard it.

The quiet hum of the white noise machine in Rainer's room.

Rainer's coos and shrieks as he bats at the toys on the play mat.

Solo's sweet little voice as I tuck him into his floor bed in my parents' bedroom - "Mommy, can I tell you something?" ... "sure, what honey?" ... "I never want you to leave, everrrr."

The precious sound of Rainer suckling at 3:00 a.m.

Solo playing with his little rabbit family set, the plastic bunnies clicking against their beds, his voice making them come alive.

The splashing in the tub, the rubber duckies quacking incessantly, my boy who hates taking showers giggling with delight.

The sounds of motherhood are the sweetest in the world. I love slowing down enough to hear them above the noise of life.

we're here.

We woke up to a dusting of SNOW completely out of nowhere! A fun surprise for my Mexican boys! Solo wanted to check it out and promptly declared, "I'm FREEZING!" So we lasted about 2.5 seconds.

Today is day three of our visit, and we are getting into a new routine, sleeping better and enjoying the love and attention of family. Solo is in new toy heaven, however he is quite disturbed by the fact that going outside means bundling up & "freezing." Quite a change from our 80 degree days. Yup, we are spoiled.

I look forward to sharing more pictures and fun experiences in this 'new' place we once called home.

gulp.

Traveling.

If you've been around here for very long at all you know that I get just a wee wittle worked up about traveling. I told myself when I had Rainer that I would not travel until he was at least 8 months old. I figured by then I'd be home free, well on my way to the one-year-postpartum magical mark of wellness. When Solo was a baby I flew internationally with him five times by the time he was one. Travel became a huge anxiety and insomnia trigger for me. It didn't take long to figure that one out.

Well.

One of my very best friends is getting married in Oregon, and I wouldn't miss it for the world. So, come Saturday I will be attempting to get on a very small plane with a 4 month old, a 3 year old, a giant stroller, a kiddo backpack, a mama backpack, and the hopes that our luggage is beneath the plane safe and sound.

I tend to overanalyze scenarios in my mind when I near travel day. For instance, what do I do if Rainer poops and I have to go to the itsy bitsy bathroom to change him, do I leave Solo alone or do the three of us squeeze into said itsy bitsy bathroom? Or what if our second flight gets cancelled and we are stranded in Houston? Me, alone with two kids, no carseats, no cell phone? And what do I do if one of us gets deathly ill between now and Saturday? And what if I can't sleep and I lay in bed having a panic attack? Then what??? Worry much?

I'm trying to heed my own advice and stay.in.the.moment. One moment at a time. Deal with the scenarios as they happen. It's much easier said than done. If I have to take a sedative to sleep Friday night, then so be it. If I have to ask strangers for help, then they better be nice. If our flights are delayed then we will play. If I am exhausted by the time we get to Portland (guaranteed) then I will hand my children to my parents, and I will sleep.

And sooner or later, the wheels of the plane will touch the ground and we will all have survived.

God reads my blog.

Remember that post I wrote about missing Fall?

Well, apparently God reads my blog.

It's been overcast all week!

And not only have we been blessed with clouds, but RAIN! And not only one hour evening downpours, but all-day-drizzly-rain. Two days straight now.

This morning I wore my raincoat with the hood cinched around my head and went to my favorite park to walk the 5k, just like every morning. Except today it was deserted. The parking lot near empty and the trails silent except for my own breathing. A little rain doesn't stop this Oregonian, but it sure as heck scares away the natives!

I'm loving it. I finally got to pull on my Uggs over the maternity skinny jeans that I apparently shouldn't have bothered buying since I'm having a baby in 10ish days.

But for today? I look cute. I'm wearing fall clothes and sipping a decaf americano at Starbucks as the rain falls steadily outside the huge windows.

I have today and tomorrow and then my boys are home for two weeks.

This pregnancy is almost over. New life is coming.

Can't wait.

missing fall.

I am a Pacific Northwesterner at heart; born & raised. I spent my childhood puddle jumping in rainboots and romping through muddy trails in shorts and a t-shirt despite 50 degree temps.

As a 24 year old I was sick and tired of the gloom, so we escaped to a place where the sun shines 365 days a year. Literally. There might be a few days each year where we don't see the sun.

This is what greets me when I look up.

Everyday.

And I never thought I'd say this, even five years later, but I miss the clouds. I miss the excuse to curl up under a blanket and sip hot tea. I miss counting down the months til summer, the excitement to bust out flip flops and bermudas in May, the long runs in misty fog, the latte's that don't make me drip with sweat.

Maybe it's that I'm pregnant this Fall, (which I've never been pregnant in the Fall before), & I am about 10 degrees hotter than the average human being... buuut I think I'm done with sunshine. Just for a little while. Even just a day would be nice; I'm not asking for much. A little drizzle, gray skies and a legitimate reason to wear shoes and a hoodie. Heck, I'll even take a downpour, but it needs to last more than an hour, k?

Pretty please?

I'll even stop whining about never having tasted a Pumpkin spice latte.'

Maybe.

firsts.

Lots of firsts this summer for Mr. Solo!

First bike with pedals, first ride on the back of Mama's bike, first rain boots, first big dessert, first introduction to the Cat in the Hat, first train set, first s'more, first time holding/petting a cat, first corn on the cob, first Father's Day with Grandpa, first book read by Uncle, first haircut by Nonna, first trip to the Oregon science museum, first trip to the Portland Zoo, first binoculars.

Lots of firsts this summer.

 {First for Me? 4th Generation iPod - now I can take pictures on the go!}

Experiencing new adventures, new experiences, new flavors, smells, sounds & sights through the lens of a 3 year old is priceless. These three weeks in Oregon with 100% of my attention on my Solo was a gift I would not trade for anything. I adored taking daily naps together, and laying beside him as he fell asleep each night.

No day to day stressors stealing my attention.

No dog to walk, no bills to pay, no meals to cook. (thanks, Mom!)

There was time to ride our bike anywhere we wanted to go. There was time to snuggle. There was time to look for treasures in the grass. There was time to peruse the library for new stories to read. There was time.

He called out "Mama" each morning as he transitioned from sleepy slumber to a new day.

I loved it. My heart needed it.

I know in a few months life will drastically change. For me, for Mr. P, and for Solo. Solo will no longer be the center of our universe. That role will be shared with another tiny creature, a stranger we will grow to love fiercely.

Which makes me all the more thankful for my three weeks with my number 1 baby boy.

bumpity bump.

There is no doubt about it. This is a baby bump. 

Baby Boy Bump. BBB.

The latest on my pregnancy: I've been sleeping through the night the past couple of weeks, which I realize will end very, very soon. I've gained 15 pounds. Or possibly more. I'm kind of nervous to check again! I'm walking everyday, biking too! Enjoying the bike rides while I can still pedal without knocking myself over. I've been craving fruit & sweets, taking care of both of those with vanilla ice cream and fresh strawberries. We've most likely settled on a name for BBB, which is both exciting and frighteningly "final." But, Solo wants to name the baby "Grandpa," so we'll see. Has kinda a nice ring to it, don't you think? ;)

We have one more week left in Oregon. We are loving the cool, clean air, the library & park visits, the shopping trips, the blueberries, the all-around lovin'. Tomorrow we head to the Oregon Coast for two nights with my parents, siblings, nieces and nephew. Solo will think he died and went to heaven. 

See this? Sorted piles of teeny, tiny, soft, cuddly blue and white clothes. We are blessed. 

Hopefully I can check back in on Sunday with some goodies from our beach excursion.

Have a great weekend! 

showered.

My mom & sisters threw me a baby shower on Friday night. It was simply lovely! About 25 friends and family, kiddos running around, and delicious food thanks to Chef Costco. Can't ask for much more than that! The decorations were simple and cute. Best of all... no cheesy games. Only good conversation, baby hugs and kisses, and catching up with old friends. 

Opening presents was of course one of the highlights. Since this is boy #2 I didn't expect to be showered with so many adorable soft and cuddly clothes. Needless to say it was a pleasant, and very welcomed, surprise. I feel so lucky. I can hardly wait to fill those clothes with a warm, soft, squishy body. Our son.

An adorable rug for the boys' room!

Our friends and family are pretty awesome to buy Big Brother some presents too! He actually scored pretty big time. Talking Thomas... a rad muscle shirt which he refuses to take off... books ... a baseball bat & ball... Like I said, he scored.

And these are the wonderful ladies I am proud to call family & so blessed to have in my life! Thank you so much for the beautiful baby shower!  

wordless wednesday: bundled up

Going from 95* to 65* is surprisingly shocking on the little bod.

And we do not go on bike rides unprepared.

(I call this his "Stevie Wonder" look.)

{steppin out saturday}

Last night Solo was my date to a concert. (This one) It was awesome. He was a champ. I may have bribed him with two pieces of cake, but still. 

I forgot to take a picture before we left, so this is us at 9:00 pm, shoes kicked off, ready to eat our bedtime snack. 

On me: (19 weeks pregnant)

Cargo pants - Motherhood Maternity

Tank - Target maternity

Cardigan - Target regular people

Oh! And see how I chopped off all my hair! LOVE having short hair again! 

On Solo:

Shorts - Kohl's (I think)

Polo - Gift from our Italian relatives! 

The weather in Oregon has been lovely the past couple of days, and we have been filling our days with trampoline jumping, bike rides, walks to the store, playgrounds, and picnics outside.

Have a great Sunday!!!

early morning thoughts.

This morning I woke up at 6:00 am to absolute silence. I got up and checked on Solo. He had rolled off his mattress and was snuggled up with a pillow in the corner, butt high up in the air. I could hear his heavy breathing from the door. He looked like perfection to me. 

I went back to bed hoping to fall fast asleep again. Instead I thought about Solo and how I wish I could freeze him at this age, just for a while. Then I thought about the little boy inside me, what we should name him, what he will look like, be like. How I could possibly love him as much as his brother.

The rain started to fall outside, a light splattering of droplets on the windows and the rooftop. I love the sound of rain. Complete peace. I knew at this point I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again. I thought about the day ahead of us, visits to see sisters and cousins. Long drives on back country roads. Naps together. I thought about Solo and how I wished he would pitter patter into my room and climb in bed with me. 

I'm sure it's the pregnancy making me all sentimental. But this morning I woke up feeling like the luckiest girl in the world. 

soaking.

That's the best word I can think of to describe visits to Oregon. Visits to our other "home." 

Soaking.

Soaking up the smells, the tastes, the views, the silence.

Soaking up the love, the laughter, the memories. 

Soaking up the conversations, the comforts, the giggles.

So much to soak up, soak in.

It's so good to be home.

may it come. may it come.

o sweet place,

it's been too long.

entirely too long.

here, in my other home,

i have raged at the traffic

and the long lines

and the bills to pay

here, in my other home,

i have laid on the grass

under streetlights,

listened to the wind in the trees,

admired the green of their branches,

and thought of you.

only you.

here, in my other home,

i have run dirt paths until my legs ached,

surrounded by wooded trails and pine needles,

but on those trails,

i thought of you.

i missed you.

o sweet place,

it won't be long

until i eat your blueberries

and bathe in your sun

and wade in your ocean.

o sweet place,

may it come

May, come soon.

See you then.

This is in response to Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop!

4.) Write a poem about something you are looking forward to.