to last forever.

I want to tell you about this moment because it was beautiful, and I don't want it to be gone and done already. Somehow, with meager words, I want it to last forever.

We ate a delicious meal, sizzling vegetables in a hot molcajete, with warm tortillas and fresh orange juice, overlooking the lake as the sun was perched low in the sky. Fortunately, the boys were hungry enough that they ate in silence, washing down their taquitos with gulps of ice cold naranjadas. As the sun went from yellow to orange, we basked in its beckoning to relax. Solomon watched a little girl, about seven or eight, wading in the restaurant's pool about 15 feet away. There was a glimmer of intrigue in his eyes, a wondering of why or how or when she managed to submerge herself, clothes on, in an ice cold pool, alone. He pondered this, in silence. 

Across the table, Rainer was anything but silent. His grunts and squawks were endearing, and also annoying. But his plump thighs overflowing from his light green romper made him quite lovable, and any chirping was forgiven. While Solomon is cautious, Rainer is reckless. While Solomon observes, Rainer plunges in. Quite literally. It took Mr. P's physical restraint to hold that little rugrat back. And, finally, as we've learned many other times in parenting, it's best to release them - to dive in, spontaneously, to their thirst to experience.

Before I knew it, all three of my boys were up to their necks in the water, all their clothes on, teeth chattering, grins from ear to ear. As I watched them splashing and laughing, the golden sunlight reflecting on their faces in the clear blue water, I gasped ever so slightly, searching for my breath in the midst of this perfect moment. All was right in our world in that instant. And I wanted to grasp at the beauty of it, wrap my fingers around it, and put it in my pocket. Somehow, I wanted to be able to dig deep for it on a lonesome Monday, while sopping up spilled milk and blocking out the shrill screams of my demanding toddler. When I need it so desperately, I want that snapshot to be there, at arms reach, to comfort me with its loveliness.  

"Writing can be a pretty desperate endeavor, because it is about some of our deepest needs; our need to be visible, to be heard, our need to make sense of our lives, to wake up and grow and belong." (Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird) 

just write

flash.

** I wanted to mention that I'm aware comments are not showing up on the blog, and haven't been for quite some time. I've been working to resolve this, but unfortunately it's taking forever to figure out the issue! Rest assured, that I can see all comments & I do read & cherish them all!! **

Visits from family always come and go too quickly. After weeks of anticipation the time finally arrives, but flashes before our eyes at lightening speed. Sometimes time is cruel like that.

Solomon had no idea his grandparents were coming to visit, and the look on his face when we pulled into the airport parking lot was priceless. He was giddy with excitement and wonder. 

During the ten days my parents were here we visited parks, went for bike rides, enjoyed long leisurely runs (my dad and I), ate fresh pastries from the local stand, dined out at bistros, tried new recipes, celebrated Rainer's birthday (!), and spent two days at the beautiful lake resort. Lots of memories, lots of laughter, lots of down time. It was sweet.

sweet summer

four weeks of us

nothing else but us

it's ending.

the clock clicks and ticks and pays my heart no attention

the pleads for it to stop or to at least slow,

ignored.

we swam in warm lake water

we practiced letters and writing left-handed

we held sick boys late into the night

we gazed at fires crackling, with sticky marshmallow fingers

we rode horses on cobble-stoned streets

we got caught in the rain, drenched and huddled together under shelter

we planted palm trees in the backyard, tended to the lawn,

squeezed each other tight as the summer thunderstorms shook the house

we baked cookies with matching aprons

we chased each other on bikes, discovering new parks and pavement

we ran, ran like the days before kids, long and hard, logging carefree miles under our feet

it's been sweet

it's gone fast

and it's almost over,

despite my pleads for more time.

a lake does a body good.

see that pic up there?

Let me tell you the story behind it.  Grab a cup of tea, put your feet up and get comfy. You're about to join me in rural Mexico.

The other day we had reservations for a cabin at Santa Maria del Oro, deposit paid & receipt in hand, it was 8:00a.m. and our desired departure was in an hour. As Mr. P showered and packed his clothes, I rushed around the house, list in hand, stuffing diapers, clothes, towels and sunscreen into a carry-on roller, setting out oatmeal and honey, making sure I had enough coffee ground, and stocking the nooks and crannies of the car with plentiful snacks. (ranging from Puffs to homemade "trail mix") 

We left on time, gas tank full, car weighed down, WeeSing playlist bumpin'. The trip was uneventful... unless you count me squatting to pee on the pavement next to the four lane highway a significant "event."

But you guys. This lake? Is breathtaking. Pre-kids it was probably Mr. P & my favorite getaway spot. We hadn't dared the adventure with our boys yet, and it was time. So there we found ourselves gasping yet again when the lake finally came into view. Even Solo stopped mid-sentence when he laid eyes on it for the first time.

After taking in the view we drove down the winding road to the lakefront in search of our cabin. Solo was doubtful that there really was a road that would lead us to the water, but he complied.

Our cabin was... how do I put this... DISGUSTING.

Dirty, old, nasty. Even Solo was grossed out. He kept walking around on his tippy toes so his feet wouldn't touch the grubby tile floors. Over and over we had to reassure him that we would just stay one night. No, we weren't going to live here. Yes, we still have our other house. Honestly, a few hours in, we started to wonder if this was all a bad idea. Could we really survive a night in a grody cabin with two small boys dependent on us for their livelihood?!?

really, mom? this was the best you could do?

Thank goodness the view redeemed ... well ... EVERYTHING.

Needless to say, we survived the night. & what followed the next morning was magical.

We set out for a early morning walk after a breakfast of oatmeal and fresh strawberries. Solo sped ahead on his "Gravel Blaster" (bike) and I carried Rainer on my shoulders. We walked down to the dock to find it quiet, calm and completely empty. Of course. At 9:00 a.m. Mexican campers are still sound asleep.

I knew that something had to happen for this trip to step it up a notch. To be memorable. To be magical. Thankfully I had my swim suit bottoms on underneath my skirt. I grabbed Solo (well, first I fished the junebug out of Rainer's mouth and hollered at Mr. P to get the camera ready) and peeled off his t-shirt, threw my skirt on the dock ramp and told him we were jumping in. (He had yet to go in the water at this point) His first reaction was, Cool!  But in a quick 2.5 seconds that changed to NO FREAKIN WAY, MOM. 

So, I did what any loving mother would do. I picked him up and hurled us both into the lake.

The rest is history.

currently.

My last post was Sunday. Today is Friday. Clearly, I'm on "vacation." (what does that even mean for a stay-at-home-mom?)

I thought I'd pop in for a "currently" post (which originates here, I think.)

Currently I am....

Obsessing over... our empty days on the calendar. I know summer is supposed to be all about relaxing and whatnot, but part of me sees an empty day on our calendar and immediately wants to fill it! with something awesome! that we haven't done in a long time! that is superfun!

Somebody stop me.

Working on... helping Mr P start a blog. Wait, what? Yes you read correctly. He's so cute.

Thinking about... our friends who have moved away in the past few weeks, and those who will be leaving shortly. Life as an expat has its ups and downs. A definite downfall is the transience of those around us. On July 5th we had our six year "expativersary" (saw that term on Instagram!) And in those 6 years we've said goodbye many times. Sometimes it's not a huge deal, but sometimes it is. Like when the person leaving is your son's best friend.

<sigh>

Anticipating... our summer trips that we finally nailed down! We'll be spending two days at a gorgeous crater lake about two hours away and two days at a cabin in a quaint mountain village about two hours away as well (in the opposite direction). Let's hope my boys sleep well in the new environments!

Listening to... I'll admit Mr. P converted me to audiobooks. I'm hooked. I just finished listening to Beautiful Boy by David Sheff and now I'm a couple hours into Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman. They are both very captivating and interesting memoirs about parenting - the first about parenting a child with a severe addiction, and the second about parenting as an American expatriate in France.

Eating... with more time to cook this summer, of course I've been trying new recipes from my Peas & Thank you cookbook. A few favorites have been the Ginger Pear waffles, Peanut butter cookie dough balls and Teriyaki Tofu. Yummmm.

Wishing... traveling "home" wasn't so darn expensive or complicated or far. Anyone wanna come visit?

Lately.

Time needs to slow down.
In just four days we will be back in Mexico. Crowded, noisy, warm, home.
Just the four of us again.
Bittersweet.

Here are a few snapshots of life lately. We are so enjoying the warmer weather, lazy mornings, Rainer discovering new foods, and fun holiday traditions.

Have a great week, friends!

thankful.

chocolate covered pretzels

hot coffee with creamer

Rainer wearing hats

Solo's joy on the trampoline

a break of sunshine to be outside

lunch with old friends

long walks

time with cousins who've traveled far

crisp, clean air

brothers in the bathtub together

improvement in baby's naps

pedicures with my bestie

clearance rack steals

self-serve frozen yogurt

our family of four reunited

What are you thankful for this Tuesday?

target, i love thee.

So.

This is what happens when the three year old goes to his Gram & Gramps' & I am trapped in Target for 3 and a half hours with my momma and a sleeping baby.

Not bad, if I do say so myself.

{Some purchases not pictured.}

{I may have strayed from my list just a tad.}

{In my defense, I only get to visit Target a couple times a year.}

It's so good to be home.

happy friday.

And just like that another week flies by.

We've been in Oregon for two weeks now. One more week til Daddy gets here. Time... It soars.

Tomorrow Rainer turns five months. He's eating rice cereal and sweet potatoes. He's rolling both ways and reaching for toys and discovering the world through his mouth. He squeals when you take his clothes off and adores bathtime. Solo is starting to really notice how his baby brother is getting bigger. He asks to hold him now, and they actually "play" together... sortof.

Oregon weather is wacky and we have had snow on the ground two mornings we've been here. In late March. What the what?! Solo is a little scared when it starts "icing" - as he says - and he does not dare to touch the "ice." So we've stayed busy indoors with new toys, our new iPad (wee!), books & videos from the library, bubble baths in the big tub, and cooking with Nonna in the kitchen.

I'm enjoying my one-on-one time with my firstborn. I've taken advantage of leaving the baby with my mom and going on "dates" with Solo. We've gone out to breakfast, to the library for storytime, to the park, out for an afternoon hot cocoa & scone, and to the grocery store to ride the mechanical horsie. The kid's easy to please, I tell you.

I have a post brewing about travel tips with littles... Anything in particular you want to know since my boys & I are now pros? ;) 

Happy Friday, friends! 

the sounds of motherhood.

Something about being in Oregon makes my ears more attentive. It's probably because I hear more of the little things that are muffled by the daily noise in Mexico - cars honking, the steady hum of traffic, the tortilla motorcycle, the water truck, the fruit carts. Here it's just the whistle of the wind, the patter of rain on the skylights and the sounds of motherhood.

Solo's feet thumping down the stairs in the morning.

The slurping sounds of him sucking his thumb in the middle of the night - which my dad thought was a mouse the first time he heard it.

The quiet hum of the white noise machine in Rainer's room.

Rainer's coos and shrieks as he bats at the toys on the play mat.

Solo's sweet little voice as I tuck him into his floor bed in my parents' bedroom - "Mommy, can I tell you something?" ... "sure, what honey?" ... "I never want you to leave, everrrr."

The precious sound of Rainer suckling at 3:00 a.m.

Solo playing with his little rabbit family set, the plastic bunnies clicking against their beds, his voice making them come alive.

The splashing in the tub, the rubber duckies quacking incessantly, my boy who hates taking showers giggling with delight.

The sounds of motherhood are the sweetest in the world. I love slowing down enough to hear them above the noise of life.

we're here.

We woke up to a dusting of SNOW completely out of nowhere! A fun surprise for my Mexican boys! Solo wanted to check it out and promptly declared, "I'm FREEZING!" So we lasted about 2.5 seconds.

Today is day three of our visit, and we are getting into a new routine, sleeping better and enjoying the love and attention of family. Solo is in new toy heaven, however he is quite disturbed by the fact that going outside means bundling up & "freezing." Quite a change from our 80 degree days. Yup, we are spoiled.

I look forward to sharing more pictures and fun experiences in this 'new' place we once called home.

the grind.

Back to the grind.

Back to 6:00 a.m. wake-ups for Mr. P.

Back to making sure Solo showers more than once a week.

Back to packing lunches after washing the dinner dishes.

Back to setting out clothes and backpacks and snacks.

Back to quiet mornings, just me & the babe.

Back to reading blogs while sipping coffee.

Back to making breakfast with a baby on my hip.

Back to 2.5 minute showers.

Back to get dressed before noon.

Back to leisurely walks to pick up the boy.

Back to typing out thoughts and hopes and dreams.

Back to routine.

oh, hi!

I haven't written any words in a week. I didn't really take an intentional week-long break from the internet world, but sometimes if it just happens, you gotta go with it.

We had a lovely 11 day vacation in Santa Barbara. We enjoyed a few quiet days just the three of us and my Grandma, then we spent the weekend with my bestie and her boyfriend...whom we enthusiastically approve of! Finally, the trip ended with a chaotic but fun-filled week with my entire family. Solo was entertained from the moment he opened his eyes in the morning til he collapsed in bed (with me) at night.

I ate way too many sweets and splurged on a daily Americano with cream. I tried to go on a long walk everyday, soaking in the quietness and the smooth sidewalks beneath my feet. Solo loved spending hours playing at the playgrounds and in the sand. He swam with his cousins and mastered the art of head-dunking and belly flops. Mr. P soaked in the spa, practiced taking pictures, and went on long barefoot runs.

We ate our fair share of self-serve frozen yogurt (sooo cool!), Indian and Italian cuisine, and of course, In-N-Out. We watched Modern Family episodes and played Skip-Bo. We held hands. It was divine.

But. It's good to be home. Or, as Solo has said at least 10 times already, "I'm happy I'm home." I must admit, I did have my almost-regular-back-to-Mexico-crying-meltdown last night. However, it was short-lived and after some reassurance from Mr. P and a good nights sleep, I press on.

It's good to be home.

full.

in just a few moments, any minute actually, my sister and her beautiful family will tumble through the door after a 15 hour car ride to meet us in Santa Barbara. Four kids rubbing sleep out of their eyes and bleary eyed mom & dad. We'll probably make an immediate coffee run after lots of squeezes. Solo will sneak quietly out of his room, tousled bed head & a sly smile on his face, heart bubbling over with excitement.

Yesterday he said "tomorrow all my friends come."

Yes, baby, your friends are here.

There's nothing quite like seeing your 3 year old surrounded by family when you are raising him abroad. I always wonder what he's missing out on, if I am depriving him of love. I wonder how he'll react to his family after months apart, if he'll remember their names, if he'll adjust.

He always does. He always surprises me.

Today will be full for Solo.

Full is sooo good.

laughter.

It doesn't get much better than this.

thursday thankfulness.

Sand between your toes.

Long walks with nowhere to go.

Waiting outside for Trader Joe's to open.

Eating dinner in the backyard.

Farmer's markets.

Raspberries on your fingertips.

Oranges off Grandma's tree.

Solo's peals of laughter on the swing.

Birds chirping.

Blueberries on breakfast cereal.

Naps and a quiet house.

The smell of fresh basil.

Sidewalk chalk art.

Lounge chairs in the sun.

Morning beach fog lifting to blue sky.

Purple and orange and yellow flowers to smell.

High fives to strangers.

Capturing the perfect photo.

Time with the love of my life.

Time with my one and only.

So thankful.

tradition.

Every year we go to Santa Barbara, California to see my Grandma, my aunt and my cousin. We've gone every year since Solo was just a pea growing inside me, and we hope this is just the beginning of a lifetime tradition for our little family.

Solo loves it there. He adores the beach. He loves riding the tram downtown. This year he will have a blast speeding around on his two wheeler. And this year, there will be the added surprise of having his cousins join us there, aunts, uncles, Nonna and Grandpa. We are talking - Solo Heaven. (We haven't told him yet)

Last year's visit - exploring Great-Grandma's beautiful backyard, early morning jammies.

What a difference a year makes. Look at those chubby cheeks!

On the beach, a cool April afternoon.

Mr. P, sharing a dance with Grandma Betty at the senior center.

As much as travel can be an anxiety trigger for me, I still love the excitement and anticipation that comes with preparing and packing for a trip. I love the checklists, the clean sheets we leave on our beds, the last minute emails of confirmation, and finally telling Solo what the heck is going on. I love the taxi ride to the airport, the waiting in line to board, the lurching of my stomach as we lift off. I love the squeals of delight from Solo, the energy he exudes, the unknowns. As much as it is harder to travel with kiddos, it is more fun. I'm much more aware of the gift it is to trust a jet to carry us from here to there, where our loved ones are, where memories, still unknown to us, are waiting in patient anticipation, to be made.

See you soon, SB.

What are your family traditions? Do they include an annual trip to the same destination? Do you still treasure memories from these trips as a child?

a post in pictures.

Freezing? Yes.

Exhausting? Yes.

Memorable? Yes.

Traveling with a 2-year-old is so. much. fun.

Slight sarcasm? (yes).

Seriously, though, I'm grateful for the chance to bring the little guy to San Francisco to spend a few days with his Grandpa & Nonna!

We are sleep deprived. We are homesick for our own beds & 85 degree weather & our puppy's lovin'. But we have definitely enjoyed the change of scenery and exploring this beautiful city! Can I also just say it's been awhile since I've toted (30 lb) Solo around in the Ergo carrier? My bod is feeling it!

iPhone pic in the SF Giants gift shop!Outside the stadium - BRR!

The sun is finally out - but still FREEZING. Solo is totally stoked about the carousel.

in front of the gorgeous Ferry Building on the waterfront.

At least someone got some relaxing in!

we're back!

we kind of disappeared for a few days. spontaneity is fun. and so not like me. on Thursday we piled into the truck and drove over to the beach, a three hour drive. we stayed in a beautiful little apartment with a pool shared with two other apartments filled with our friends. solo-boy played with his little buddies like it was going out of style!

things we learned on vacation:

solo-boy could spend all day in the pool. and he did.

even though he hasn't had a poo accident in almost two months he is STILL capable of pooping in his swim trunks.

there exists thunder so loud it shakes the house.

when the power goes out all night, you will not sleep. you will feel like you are suffocating. but you will live.

september in the Mexican Riviera isn't really ideal for vacation. humid. bugs. rain.

when you get three little boys together they will inevitably flock to water spickets and mud/sand puddles.

i love getting up early at the beach and cooking breakfast for my boys.

coffee and views of the ocean are some of the sweetest gifts in life.

i must have sweet blood because the mosquitos devoured me. i am covered. COVERED.

nora is no longer allowed to roam unleashed. because she WILL eat shards of plastic and entire tamales.

when said shards of plastic are eaten, she WILL throw up in the car on the way home.

even with sleep deprivation and heat, if you have a pool and fresh tropical fruit, all is still good.

dancing on the rooftop bikini-clad with naked solo-boy just might be my best mommy memory yet.

i must be healing because i slept well in a new place, with all of us in the same room. take that, insomnia! (well, minus the thunderstorm that literally rocked the place!)

vacation is sweet. vacation is not really vacation with a two year old, but it is still sweet. it's good to be home.